It’s hard to believe that my husband and I are approaching our 10 year wedding anniversary. It really doesn’t seem like it has been that long. Marriage is HARD work and has its ups and downs but so worth it. There isn’t a marriage anywhere in the world with two perfect people. It’s important that you each put 100% into your relationship. I am feeling a little sentimental so I would like share some things that have helped keep our marriage and us close over the past decade.
1.) Never belittle your spouse in private or public : Since marriage is made up of two imperfect people there will be arguments. Your spouse will get on your nerves at some point. We all vent about things but you shouldn’t speak out about your spouse in a negative way to everyone you meet. I am not saying don’t confide in someone but EVERY ONE should not know what is going on in your marriage.Calling your spouse out of their name is something we don’t do. It shows disrespect, your spouse has a name and even when they make you upset you should use it.
2.Communication is key: This is VERY important. When we first got married we said we would never go to bed mad at each other. But sometimes you have to put a pin in a discussion and sleep on it and continue when you are level-headed. When a disagreement comes up we tell our spouse we want to talk about this but right now is not a good time and the other spouse respects that. We take care of it the next day. Never let your feelings of hurt or anger linger. I am also proud that we have NEVER given each other the silent treatment. That doesn’t solve anything, it just gets you more upset. Communication is key to a long and happy marriage. Keep in mind when sharing your feelings you want to be respectful,you should watch your tone and never say anything that you wouldn’t want someone to say to you(You may slip up and say hurtful things but you need to apologize within a day of saying those things because you always want to keep the lines of communication open)
3.Never stop dating: I have said this in previous blogs. always date your spouse. You are constantly growing and changing as a person and in order for you to grow together you have to do things together and date. We go on a date once a week(it doesn’t have to be that frequent) but it is important to have that alone time and reconnect as a couple(especially after having children). The dates don’t have to be expensive at all. If you would like some ideas check out this blog post I wrote.
4. Have the same moral values: You can be different, no one wants to marry someone who is exactly like them(well some people do but I was not one of them) No matter how different you are it’s important to have similar moral values. This is the core of the person they are. If you have different core values than it’s very difficult to keep your marriage a happy one. My husband and I both look to the bible for guidance in our life. One of the scriptures that helped us when choosing a marriage mate was 2 Corinthians 6:14 – “Do not become unevenly yoked” now some may say that they bible is outdated but have you ever heard the saying Do on to others as you want them to do onto you? Guess where that comes from? The bible, Jesus himself spoke about this concept at Matthew 7:12. The bible is a great source for principles to live by. My husband and I just happen to both be of the same faith and that has helped out marriage because even though we were raised different and from different backgrounds we have the same moral values.
5.Laughter If you can find a life partner that makes you laugh and laughs with you it’s one of the best things in the world. My husband and I love to laugh and humor is something we use to cope with hardships we also use it to just relax and have a good time. In our 10 years together we still lay in bed and have a good laugh over anything and nothing at all. So keep laughing together.
6.Forgive Freely: We will all make mistakes at some time in our life. For the peace of your household and your sanity you should forgive your spouse for shortcomings. It’s not easy but when you extend that forgiveness it helps bring you closer together.
These are a few simple things that have helped us have a great relationship and happy marriage. I am not saying that we are experts by any means. I am saying that I am so happy that I was blessed with a partner who has my back and these are some things that have helped us keep our joy through the ups and downs of marriage.