Kiera’s Labor and Delivery Story

IMG_8146I am part of the small population that HATES being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong I am in awe at what the body can do when creating life. I am however, not a great pregnant person. All four of my pregnancies I have had issues with being sick. If I had a easy pregnancy I am sure I would have more babies, but for now I am done with my two. On the bright side even though I have had rough pregnancies my labors have been amazing and short, I would have a baby over and over if I didn’t have to be pregnant to do so. Here is the story of how Kiera came into the world and made us a family of four.

My labor story began when I was 35 weeks. I didn’t have prodromal labor with my son so when I would get out my contraction counter and start timing my contractions, I would get excited to meet my baby girl. However, they would stop just as soon as they started to intensify. I went into the hospital at 37 weeks (got sent home) 38 weeks (sent home again). Wednesday August 17th at 8pm I was 38 weeks 6 days and my contractions started. I decided that I would time them and I didn’t get any sleep that entire night. I was bouncing on my birthing ball and getting really excited. My contractions were picking up. I went from every 9 min to every 5 min and then at 8am on Thursday August 18th they STOPPED!!!!

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Baby all hooked up (that 16 was my contraction so not very strong)

I felt so defeated. I was so over false labor and cried my eyes out all morning. I told my husband I was tired and done. At 2:30pm I told my husband that since I didn’t get any sleep the night before I needed to get a nap in. At 4:30 I woke up to intense pressure, but I attributed that to me having to pee. As soon as I stood up I felt my water break. (I knew it was my water because my water broke with my son) So here I am in disbelief because I was just crying about still being pregnant earlier. I called my husband and said “babe my water broke” We already had the bags packed. It was storming out and we got on the road at 5pm (Tampa bay traffic during rush hour is a MESS and I am so glad that it wasn’t too bad that day.) My hospital was 45min away and we met a friend to pick up our son and headed into triage to see if they would keep me (I knew they would).

I got to the hospital at 6:00 pm and was checked. I was admitted at 7pm and my contractions still weren’t picking up. I waited an hour before I started the pitocin. I had to use pitocin for my sons as well because my contractions wouldn’t pick up so I knew the drill. I started PIT at 8pm and by 9pm I was in so much pain I asked for an epidural.

Before Pitocin was to much. We were excited we were having a baby

Before Pitocin was too much. We were excited we were having a baby

Got the epidural at 9:30 and I was feeling great (I was only at 4pm so I still had a little ways before I could push.) We had some friends come and visit us and at about 11:00pm I told them I wanted to rest a little bit. They left and like 15 min later I told my husband I felt pressure and needed to push. Our nurse came in to check and she said I was ready to have a baby!!!!

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Friends who came to visit and make me laugh. and bless that peanut ball from getting me from             4cm to 10cm in like an hour.

My midwife who was suppose to deliver me was actually at another hospital delivering another baby. So they had to call her back up(who was actually the MD who delivered my son almost three yrs ago, so that was nice) She makes that drive all the time so she told the nurse she would be there in 12 min. It was about 11:40 at this time I was REALLY feeling the urge to push. The nurses set up the room and asks me not to push because there was no doctor there. So I just breathed through the contractions and focused on NOT pushing. My daughter had meconium in her water( that means baby pooped in utero so they make sure baby is not in distress when she comes out)

My OB made it there at about 12:05(she had a flat tire on the way there so that is what took her so long.) She literally walked in, put on her booties and a robe and told me to push when I was ready. 3 1/2 pushes(is what my husband said, I think it was 4) and Kiera Autumn made her way earth side. My husband had to quick cut her cord because they needed to make sure she didn’t aspirate any of the meconium. I didn’t cry like I didn’t with the birth of my son. I was content like I watched them check her out and when they brought her over to me for skin to skin time she immediately latched and began breastfeeding. That was such a magical moment for me. She and I were in tune and it felt like we were the only two in the world.

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Kiera was born at 12:15am on Friday August 19th. She weighed 7 lbs 8 oz and was 20 1/2 in long. My son was able to come later that day at 11:00am so he could meet his sister for the first time. He was not sure what to make of her lol

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Now that we are home he loves his little sister and she is exactly what we needed in our life. When I lost a baby in october of 2015 I never would have thought I would be blessed to find out I was expecting a month later. We are all so happy that Kiera is here and can’t wait to see her grow up. We will be uploading a birth vlog in the next few weeks so keep your eye out for that on my channel.

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The three loves of my life

Baby Registry – $100 credit towards diapers and wipes

Life Update: Moving, Family and Announcement

It has been some time since I have written on my blog, I have missed you all and I bet you are ordering what has been going on with me. Well here is a Vlog I made recently to explain what has happened to me over the past few months. Hope you all have had an amazing 2016 so far.

The sun will come out….

Tomorrow, but you got to hang on till tomorrow….

When I was younger and going through hard times with my family I would always belt this song out with my sisters. It would bring a smile on our face and make us forget the rough times.

I try to be an encouragement to others and to  me that means never showing that I am feeling down. I see it this way: people always have things to make them feel down, what people need is something to bring a smile on their face. The sad thing about this is, that when I really do feel down, I bottle all my feelings inside and make myself feel worse. Yet, I go on about my day with a smile on my face hoping that my insides will match what I feel on the outside.

Truth be told, I have felt like laying in bed all day every day since october and I force myself to get out of bed everyday and live life, I do it with a smile on my face and I hide behind that smile. It’s my mask, no one will ask me how I feel because they will see the smile and think everything is ok. I am NOT OK. I don’t want anyone asking me how I am doing because every time someone ask me that I choke back a major meltdown (I am talking Kim Kardashian ugly cry here). So I hide behind my smile and hope that no one ask.

Here are some things I have been dealing with, I have an addict for a mother and when I pregnant with my son I decided that needed to get help before I talk to her again..it’s been FIVE YEARS. I don’t have a father and my mother is not able to care for herself, let alone care for anyone else. I wish I could just call her up and ask her for advice that many people can do with their mother. I wish I could have her hug me when I am in tears because I don’t know if what I am doing is right in raising my son. But I don’t have that. This is something that I think about everyday.

After my miscarriage two months ago  my younger sister who just graduated high school informed me that she is expecting. I want to be happy for her but deep down I am jealous and sad because I know she will struggle but I know she would love that kid with all her heart. I am sad because she doesn’t have a relationship with our mother either and I know the struggle I am having raising my son without my mothers input and I couldn’t imagine being 18 and having to go through those feelings.

I just feel sometimes this more than I can bear and my heart hurts. I am not going into everything that is going on because I do want to have a little privacy. I just want to be open and show you guys that 9 times out of 10 when someone looks like they have it all together they may be breaking down on the inside.

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               I saw this on my FB feed and started laugh crying. I CAN do the thing

I am very thankful that my husband has been patient and loving with me through all these emotional ups and downs that I have been having the past few months.  Sometimes I wish I was little again, when my mom was clean and my sisters and I could belt out this song and that would make us feel better. It was simple. For now I will try to just stick out my chin and grin because I know that the sun will come out soon.

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“Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your god.

I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness” 

~ Isaiah 41:10

You’ve Trained Him Well

This is a phrase that I hear way to often. My husband is a very loving man and likes to treat me with respect and love. He is always pulling out my chair when we go to dinner, opening doors for me(and others), giving me time to myself and parenting our son and MANY other things. It amazes me when people praise him for doing these things and turn around and whisper to me “You’ve trained him well”. I ALWAYS reply “He came that way and that is why I married him”IMG_7743.2015-06-14_002309

So many times I see and hear women complain about their spouse not appreciating them. If they are a stay at home mom their husbands complain the house is a mess, men complain about “babysitting” their child(that is a whole other subject, you don ‘t babysit you PARENT). They don’t know how or want to help clean the home and many other things. I am so grateful that my husband pitches in with the cleaning, cooking, he washes his own laundry. He even teaches our son by example that there is no such thing as “women’s work” in our home.

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The sad thing is people feel like they can’t expect men to do these things. These were qualities that I wanted in a mate and if you didn’t have them then I was on to the next. I didn’t want to waste your time or mine. To me a marriage is a partnership, we are a team and I wanted to make sure to marry someone who was a great team player. My husband is the first to tell me when I feel down on myself that “We are a team, when you are tired I will be there to pull the weight.” I’m excited every morning that I wake up and see this man laying next to me and I know that I made the right choice.

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It makes me SO happy to know that this man is  a great example for my son and one day(IF my son decides that he wants to get married) he will be a great team player as well, at the very least he will know how to take care of himself by cooking and cleaning.

You have the ability to choose you teammate, never forget that.

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Say Their Name

So I have to get something off my chest. It has really been hurting my heart. There have been numerous loss of life of POC(people of color) lately, I’m sure you have noticed. So much so that the hashtag #blacklivesmatter was created. (I am NOT going to get into a debate of why #alllivesmatter shouldn’t be the hashtag, if you want to know why that is problematic then please read one of the MANY article on the internet about it. you can start by reading this one here )

Many people don’t speak up when they see this kind of loss, maybe it’s because you feel uncomfortable and don’t know how to approach the situation. Some feel when you acknowledge the differences we have that it just keep racism alive. To the contrary, when you discuss these differences you open a dialog and it helps heal. It helps you gain knowledge that it is STILL happening and It helps you make necessary changes to make it not happen as often.

When you take a colorblind stance to things it doesn’t help. It’s obvious that my LOVE knows no color, I married a man who is of polish and irish decent aka WHITE however we BOTH know that racism exist and it would be horrible for us not to speak about it so that we know how we as a couple(and now a family of three) will deal with it.We can teach or son how he handles WHEN it comes up.

It seems like whenever a new hashtag of any POC shows up all of a sudden a new “story ” is thrown in the mix to pull attention away from the real issues, It’s like the news straight up say’s “I’m going to let you finish POC but…..( Just look at the Rachel Dolzel and Cecil the Lion story to name a few) both situations are horrible but the real discussion should be how disenfranchised groups of people can’t have basic human rights that many non POC enjoy. What rights you may ask? Have you ever been asked if you’re the Nanny of your child? Have you been followed around a store? Do you think “Oh I can’t go to that vacation spot because I may have to pass through a town that doesn’t like my skin color?” Have you even been told that the way you hair NATURALLY grows out of your head is UNPROFESSIONAL? These are just A FEW instances that I have had to deal with.There are many more that POC can write as well.

As a POC I wake up everyday and it’s pointed out to me that I am a black woman. I went to the mall and was going to purchase something for stress relief and the salesman pitch was something like we all have stress thanks to our jobs and the workplace. I stated that I don’t have a 9-5 that I am a SAHM and his response was “Why don’t you work? You have to take care of your kid right? UMMMM EXCUSE ME!!!! My husband has a GREAT paying job and that’s how I take care of my family. I am juts so tired of defending myself. “Wow ,you must be happy about your sons complexion?”, “You don’t like fried chicken?” “you sound so white?” “you like alternative music?”

The inflection at the end of the questions just sting every single time. It’s like they are surprised..why? All these Microagressions that I deal with are just tiring and this is just a glimpse of my life as a POC.

Going back to the headlines that take away your attention from the real issues. Lets talk about this Cecil the Lion business. I am VERY sad that it happened. Killing for sport is DISGUSTING!! But people are ALL up in arm about this. so much so that the practice of the dentist that killed the lion got SHUT DOWN.

These post I saw explains it better than I can:

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You know I have days that are bad and I want to break down but my faith in the promised spiritual government that is brought out in Matthew 6:9,10 gives me hope and I have faith that will cure-all these problems we see and injustices.

I am a firm believer in the hope that the bible give. Jeremiah 10:23 says: “I well know, O Jehovah, that man’s way does not belong to him.It does not belong to man who is walking even to direct his step.” It’s because of that scripture that I know there is no way that racism and injustices will be eradicated completely without the help of Jehovah and his son Jesus. 

If you don’t take anything away from this post, PLEASE just take this and think about it: I know that when you KNOW better you DO better. So we can all make an effort as individuals to really check the way that we treat people and how we speak and do things. I know that it’s hard,the sad thing is that white supremacy is so ingrained in the world that many people don’t realize it and it’s just seems normal. If you have privilege acknowledge it (MTV did a great documentary called White People. You can see it here) We may not have the power to change the thoughts and actions of everyone but we can try and change the way we think individually. How you ask, by discussing what is happening, by changing the way we view each other, by not using those microagressions, by saying the names of the victims that have been lost(Emmanuel Nine:Clementa Pinckney,Cynthia Hurd,Sharonda Coleman-Singleton,Tywanza Sanders,Ethel Lance,Susie Jackson,Depayne Middleton Doctor,Daniel Simmons and Myra Thompson. Sandra Bland, Tamir Rice, to name a few)and realizing that it could be someone close to you or even YOU. I’m tired of seeing people’s names as hashtags.

I don’t want this post to make you look at the world and see no good. There are good people. If you don’t believe in god or his heavenly government that is your personal choice. I however have faith that the promise told to us at Psalms 37:10,11 will come true and that is what helps give me strength to go on everyday.

“Just a little while longer, and the wicked will be no more;You will look at where they were,And they will not be there. But the meek will possess the earth,And they will find exquisite delight in the abundance of peace.”