Gabrielle Union’s Struggle with Infertility

October is Pregnancy and Infant loss Awareness month. I myself am 1 in 4 who have lost a baby and it is the worst feeling ever. I have also dealt with Infertility because of my PCOS and it took me over 4 years to have my son. That is why I am so happy that people are speaking up about their own struggles. It helps when you realize you are not alone. Gabrielle Union has a book coming out and in her book she speaks about her struggles to have a child.

She gets very candid. “I have had eight or nine miscarriages,” Union writes in the book. “For three years, my body has been a prisoner of trying to get pregnant — I’ve either been about to go into an IVF cycle, in the middle of an IVF cycle, or coming out of an IVF cycle.”

Let me just say this is why I find the wuestion “When are you going to have a child?” one that is so invasive to ask anyone. You have no idea what a person is coping with. Gabrielle thank you so much for sharing your story and being brave enough to do so. I am so proud that she did. I know how emotional it can be to share your struggle and still long for a child of your own.

So please be loving when it comes to your friends and family who had losses or better yet don’t even ask when and if they want children because at the end of the day, we never know what people are truly going through

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Kiera’s Labor and Delivery Story

IMG_8146I am part of the small population that HATES being pregnant. Don’t get me wrong I am in awe at what the body can do when creating life. I am however, not a great pregnant person. All four of my pregnancies I have had issues with being sick. If I had a easy pregnancy I am sure I would have more babies, but for now I am done with my two. On the bright side even though I have had rough pregnancies my labors have been amazing and short, I would have a baby over and over if I didn’t have to be pregnant to do so. Here is the story of how Kiera came into the world and made us a family of four.

My labor story began when I was 35 weeks. I didn’t have prodromal labor with my son so when I would get out my contraction counter and start timing my contractions, I would get excited to meet my baby girl. However, they would stop just as soon as they started to intensify. I went into the hospital at 37 weeks (got sent home) 38 weeks (sent home again). Wednesday August 17th at 8pm I was 38 weeks 6 days and my contractions started. I decided that I would time them and I didn’t get any sleep that entire night. I was bouncing on my birthing ball and getting really excited. My contractions were picking up. I went from every 9 min to every 5 min and then at 8am on Thursday August 18th they STOPPED!!!!

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Baby all hooked up (that 16 was my contraction so not very strong)

I felt so defeated. I was so over false labor and cried my eyes out all morning. I told my husband I was tired and done. At 2:30pm I told my husband that since I didn’t get any sleep the night before I needed to get a nap in. At 4:30 I woke up to intense pressure, but I attributed that to me having to pee. As soon as I stood up I felt my water break. (I knew it was my water because my water broke with my son) So here I am in disbelief because I was just crying about still being pregnant earlier. I called my husband and said “babe my water broke” We already had the bags packed. It was storming out and we got on the road at 5pm (Tampa bay traffic during rush hour is a MESS and I am so glad that it wasn’t too bad that day.) My hospital was 45min away and we met a friend to pick up our son and headed into triage to see if they would keep me (I knew they would).

I got to the hospital at 6:00 pm and was checked. I was admitted at 7pm and my contractions still weren’t picking up. I waited an hour before I started the pitocin. I had to use pitocin for my sons as well because my contractions wouldn’t pick up so I knew the drill. I started PIT at 8pm and by 9pm I was in so much pain I asked for an epidural.

Before Pitocin was to much. We were excited we were having a baby

Before Pitocin was too much. We were excited we were having a baby

Got the epidural at 9:30 and I was feeling great (I was only at 4pm so I still had a little ways before I could push.) We had some friends come and visit us and at about 11:00pm I told them I wanted to rest a little bit. They left and like 15 min later I told my husband I felt pressure and needed to push. Our nurse came in to check and she said I was ready to have a baby!!!!

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Friends who came to visit and make me laugh. and bless that peanut ball from getting me from             4cm to 10cm in like an hour.

My midwife who was suppose to deliver me was actually at another hospital delivering another baby. So they had to call her back up(who was actually the MD who delivered my son almost three yrs ago, so that was nice) She makes that drive all the time so she told the nurse she would be there in 12 min. It was about 11:40 at this time I was REALLY feeling the urge to push. The nurses set up the room and asks me not to push because there was no doctor there. So I just breathed through the contractions and focused on NOT pushing. My daughter had meconium in her water( that means baby pooped in utero so they make sure baby is not in distress when she comes out)

My OB made it there at about 12:05(she had a flat tire on the way there so that is what took her so long.) She literally walked in, put on her booties and a robe and told me to push when I was ready. 3 1/2 pushes(is what my husband said, I think it was 4) and Kiera Autumn made her way earth side. My husband had to quick cut her cord because they needed to make sure she didn’t aspirate any of the meconium. I didn’t cry like I didn’t with the birth of my son. I was content like I watched them check her out and when they brought her over to me for skin to skin time she immediately latched and began breastfeeding. That was such a magical moment for me. She and I were in tune and it felt like we were the only two in the world.

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Kiera was born at 12:15am on Friday August 19th. She weighed 7 lbs 8 oz and was 20 1/2 in long. My son was able to come later that day at 11:00am so he could meet his sister for the first time. He was not sure what to make of her lol

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Now that we are home he loves his little sister and she is exactly what we needed in our life. When I lost a baby in october of 2015 I never would have thought I would be blessed to find out I was expecting a month later. We are all so happy that Kiera is here and can’t wait to see her grow up. We will be uploading a birth vlog in the next few weeks so keep your eye out for that on my channel.

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The three loves of my life

Baby Registry – $100 credit towards diapers and wipes

Life Update: Moving, Family and Announcement

It has been some time since I have written on my blog, I have missed you all and I bet you are ordering what has been going on with me. Well here is a Vlog I made recently to explain what has happened to me over the past few months. Hope you all have had an amazing 2016 so far.

The sun will come out….

Tomorrow, but you got to hang on till tomorrow….

When I was younger and going through hard times with my family I would always belt this song out with my sisters. It would bring a smile on our face and make us forget the rough times.

I try to be an encouragement to others and to  me that means never showing that I am feeling down. I see it this way: people always have things to make them feel down, what people need is something to bring a smile on their face. The sad thing about this is, that when I really do feel down, I bottle all my feelings inside and make myself feel worse. Yet, I go on about my day with a smile on my face hoping that my insides will match what I feel on the outside.

Truth be told, I have felt like laying in bed all day every day since october and I force myself to get out of bed everyday and live life, I do it with a smile on my face and I hide behind that smile. It’s my mask, no one will ask me how I feel because they will see the smile and think everything is ok. I am NOT OK. I don’t want anyone asking me how I am doing because every time someone ask me that I choke back a major meltdown (I am talking Kim Kardashian ugly cry here). So I hide behind my smile and hope that no one ask.

Here are some things I have been dealing with, I have an addict for a mother and when I pregnant with my son I decided that needed to get help before I talk to her again..it’s been FIVE YEARS. I don’t have a father and my mother is not able to care for herself, let alone care for anyone else. I wish I could just call her up and ask her for advice that many people can do with their mother. I wish I could have her hug me when I am in tears because I don’t know if what I am doing is right in raising my son. But I don’t have that. This is something that I think about everyday.

After my miscarriage two months ago  my younger sister who just graduated high school informed me that she is expecting. I want to be happy for her but deep down I am jealous and sad because I know she will struggle but I know she would love that kid with all her heart. I am sad because she doesn’t have a relationship with our mother either and I know the struggle I am having raising my son without my mothers input and I couldn’t imagine being 18 and having to go through those feelings.

I just feel sometimes this more than I can bear and my heart hurts. I am not going into everything that is going on because I do want to have a little privacy. I just want to be open and show you guys that 9 times out of 10 when someone looks like they have it all together they may be breaking down on the inside.

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               I saw this on my FB feed and started laugh crying. I CAN do the thing

I am very thankful that my husband has been patient and loving with me through all these emotional ups and downs that I have been having the past few months.  Sometimes I wish I was little again, when my mom was clean and my sisters and I could belt out this song and that would make us feel better. It was simple. For now I will try to just stick out my chin and grin because I know that the sun will come out soon.

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“Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your god.

I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness” 

~ Isaiah 41:10

You’ve Trained Him Well

This is a phrase that I hear way to often. My husband is a very loving man and likes to treat me with respect and love. He is always pulling out my chair when we go to dinner, opening doors for me(and others), giving me time to myself and parenting our son and MANY other things. It amazes me when people praise him for doing these things and turn around and whisper to me “You’ve trained him well”. I ALWAYS reply “He came that way and that is why I married him”IMG_7743.2015-06-14_002309

So many times I see and hear women complain about their spouse not appreciating them. If they are a stay at home mom their husbands complain the house is a mess, men complain about “babysitting” their child(that is a whole other subject, you don ‘t babysit you PARENT). They don’t know how or want to help clean the home and many other things. I am so grateful that my husband pitches in with the cleaning, cooking, he washes his own laundry. He even teaches our son by example that there is no such thing as “women’s work” in our home.

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The sad thing is people feel like they can’t expect men to do these things. These were qualities that I wanted in a mate and if you didn’t have them then I was on to the next. I didn’t want to waste your time or mine. To me a marriage is a partnership, we are a team and I wanted to make sure to marry someone who was a great team player. My husband is the first to tell me when I feel down on myself that “We are a team, when you are tired I will be there to pull the weight.” I’m excited every morning that I wake up and see this man laying next to me and I know that I made the right choice.

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It makes me SO happy to know that this man is  a great example for my son and one day(IF my son decides that he wants to get married) he will be a great team player as well, at the very least he will know how to take care of himself by cooking and cleaning.

You have the ability to choose you teammate, never forget that.

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