It’s called SELFesteem

I have noticed that I usually get the same backhanded compliment: “You are so confident, how is it that you can be so confident at your size?”

I usually end up looking at them like this:

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Excuse me? How is that a complement? I am confident because I learned to love myself and because of that, I don’t need anyone or anything to validate me. I haven’t always been this way. I didn’t love myself or know my worth when I was younger. I was always a people pleaser, I wanted to make sure everyone else was taken care of before I was.

Now these are good qualities to have but you MUST remember that in order for you to be at your best for anyone you have to be at your best for your self first. I am not advocating that you should become selfish, no I am simply stating that it’s important to know your limits and it’s ok to say no to things.

I am also saying that it’s so important for you to love the way you look flaws and all. If YOU want to make changes for yourself then great but don’t let anything that anyone else has to say about you change how you view yourself. Being happy with yourself is what will help you make and keep healthy relationships for the rest of your life. You won’t be chasing after happiness because it will come from within.

When you are happy with yourself then confidence will exude from every fiber of your being. I am not saying that I don’t have my moments of insecurities. I do, as a matter of fact when I saw this pic the FIRST thing I noticed was my size and the “back rolls”

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I wasn’t paying attention to the beautiful sights in front of me, or the fact that I have a child to share this with, a husband who admired this so much he took a photo of it. I was actually not going to post this pic on my blog, but then I SNAPPED out of it, I said “Not today satan!” I know there may be others who also see those flaws that I see in myself but I KNOW that is not what defines me. I love myself and I know that its detrimental to my feelings if I stayed in that mind-set. So I turned the negative thoughts into positive ones and look at what this picture has to offer.

That is the key to confidence, don’t dwell in those negative feelings, it’s ok to have them, we are imperfect so we will have them from time to time. You just need to tell your self that you are loved and that there are so many things to be positive about.

 

Three Year Naturalversary

I can not believe that it has already been three years since I decided to “big chop” I say that in quotations because I transitioned without even realizing that is what it was called lol. When I found out that I didn’t need to hold on to those said permed edges I decided that I would do a big chop. I love the versatility of wearing my hair in the form that it grows out of my head and also manipulating it to look like so many different hairstyles and curl patterns. I love changing the color of my hair as well. I say all this because there are some in the natural hair community that think just because a person does this to their hair; they aren’t considered “natural” and I say to each their own. I feel just as natural as a  person who has NEVER permed their hair or colored it. My hair grows up instead of down and I like to rock curly styles that empathize that.

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Still had a bit of perm in my hair and I cut it all off a few months later

One thing I love about having the hair that I do, is that NO ONE is like me. I have unique hair, no curl pattern is exactly the same. The regimen that works for me may not work for you and that is ok. Wearing my hair the way that I do helped me learn to love myself and see that it’s ok to be different and stand out. That doesn’t mean that you are looking for attention it just means that you are comfortable in your own skin.

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Having a blonde moment

After I had my son I was looking at easy to simplify my life and I wanted to do something big. I decided to get a tapered cut and I LOVED IT! I knew that I wanted to grown my hair out after I cut it so I would only have it for a short time but i knew that would help me out being a new mom. So here I am at my three year naturalversary and it’s like I’m at my 1 yr because I cut it lol. I had so much fun growing it out and who knows maybe I will cut it again in a few months. I am always looking for growth and change in y life

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About four months after my cut. the sides were already twice as long

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growing and growing

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Hair blown out a few days after my three year naturalversary and a little over a year after my 2nd “big chop”

What is the meaning of Dapper?

The definition found in the dictionary is A.) neat and trim in appearance b.)very spruce and stylish.

Sadly I’ve noticed this it lacking in our day and age. I wish men would take pride in the way they present themselves in society. Back in the day it was disrespectful to even leave the house without looking like you just walked out of a magazine ad.

I’m appalled at what I see today. I was at dinner with some friends and I actually saw a man come in for an interview in SHORTS AND FLIP FLOPS!!!! He looked to be in his late 20’s early 30’s and came in on a skateboard! I mean really whatever happened to dressing for the job you want and not the one you have (Who knows maybe this man was actually following this motto)

While we are speaking of appearances, fellas please don’t come up to any lady looking like you just rolled out of bed and expect is to swoon all over you because you held a door for us. Yes we appreciate you showing us chivalry BUT you have to look like you actually care about yourself before you get our attention.

In your head you may think you look fly but all this outfit says is “I’m in the need for someone to baker act me because I have lost my ever lovin mind!”

It kills me that men actually get offended when a women doesn’t drool over his Nike airs and his pants hanging below his feet or his shorts with a dirty t-shirt. Then they have the nerve to disrespect you and insult you. I’ve actually had someone do this to me (women are TIRED of it). He was yelling out to get my attention the only way he knew how ” HEY GIRL, HEY I’M TALKING TO YOU! How ya doing ma?” and I politely said “I’m sorry I’m happily married and not interested but thank you.”

Now a good man would understand he has lost the battle and not carry on. But nooooo he tried to “Mack” finally I had to be rude ” Hey I said I wasn’t interested, so please go on about your day and go bother someone else” and he had the nerve to tell me that I wasn’t all that cute anyway…REALLY??? well the way you ran across the street makes me beg to differ. I defiantly was NOT the one chasing you down the street.

Now maybe if you would have looked like this

Or exuded Confidence like this

I would have out ran anyone of the qualifying Olympic runners to get to you.

The point is that when you take care of yourself it shows and people notice. You don’t have to wear a suit everywhere you go (even though it wouldn’t be hard on the eyes) but you should look like you cared about how you looked. Please wear clothes that FIT!!! I don’t want to to see pants so tight that I can read your DNA or a shirt so wrinkled it looks like a small intestine. make it your aim to look Dapper!!!

But gentlemen be careful when you walk outside, ladies can’t resist a man that’s dapper. It’s just not in our nature

Confidence: Anyone can have it but How? 

Going through the BC(big chop) or even transitioning you may have blah days. I know I did and sometimes still do so what are some ways to combat this problem?

Purk up those lips: by that I mean choose a radiant color that you have never tried before. Looking for a great red lip? Want to try the neon trend GO FOR IT! it’s amazing how just making our lips POP! Make us feel good about about ourselves. You can check out a few of my favorite bight colors here.  Not sure what color to chose? Go to any major beauty supply chain and have a technician help you find the best color for you.

Accessorize Accessorize Accessorize: sometimes putting on an amazing pair of earrings or banging pair of shoes really plays up an Outfit and also puts some pep in your step. When you feel like you look great then it will come off in your attitude.

That’s what friends are for: no this is not just a title of an amazing 80’s song but it’s so important to surround yourself with positive people. It’s a k ow fact that positivity will help you go a long way and don’t have anyone around you “burning your trash” when you have a close group of friends supporting you it helps you with confidence and remember when it comes to that wonderful trip that is called life: Not everyone is meant to stay on the train for the duration of the trip. So don’t feel bad if you have to get rid of some luggage

Embrace your uniqueness: This one is easier said then done. We all are different and have differences we need to learn to love these differences and embrace them. Once you truly love yourself then you exude confidence and everyone around you can tell

Let the haters hate: everyone has opinions about EVERYTHING so when you feel like you look great people may not. But that is just their insecurities they aren’t strong enough to walk outside their home and not care a out what people think.

And lastly The outside is just as important as the inside: take pride in how you present yourself. Wear something you wouldn’t  normally wear. One of the reasons I loved the big fat summer challenge was because challenged the participants to wear things they had doubts about. Your outfit can work you up quick. Let’s face it if you feel beautiful on the outside it makes you fill good on the inside.

We are ALL beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you differently