Saying goodbye: Dealing with a Miscarriage

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Yesterday May 14th was my due date for the baby I had lost in october. I am still grieving that loss even though I am currently 25 weeks pregnant with my rainbow baby(Just like I still grieve the loss of my child I lost 10 yrs ago on what would be his/her due date each march)

The topic of grieving a child that you have never met seems to be so taboo and people don’t talk about it that often. It’s something that you just move on from, especially if you had an early miscarriage. However, the truth is that for many women the moment that see that pink line they become a mother. That line is filled with all kinds of hopes and dreams. “who will my child look like?” “what will their personality be?” “i can’t wait to meet them.” etc.

No matter when you loose that child a part of you always seems missing because you have dreams that you were dashed to pieces. Personally I find comfort in my faith I believe in a resurrection and I believe that I will see my children again some day. That doesn’t take about the grief I have now and how much I miss them.

I have had people tell me that they are happy I conceived so soon after my loss because I have a news baby to be excited about. That hurts so much because it insinuates that the baby I am carrying now will replace the one I lost and that is not true. I will always love and miss the baby I never was able to meet.

That being said, it seems cruel that I don’t have anything to remember my child by. You can imagine my excitment when I was scrolling through instagram one day and stumbled across a page called Rachelle Isims. This beautiful page was full of miscarriage jewelry and stories from mothers like me who were grieving and wanted something to remember their babies by.

I immediately went to visit Rachelle Isims Etsy shop and placed my order. I can not wait to see what my necklace looks like and I can’t wait to be able to talk about my babies that are here and who aren’t here when people ask me about my piece and what it means.

example of some of the work from Rachelle Isms shop

                                example of some of the work from Rachelle Isms shop

To all those who have lost a child I am sorry and know its ok to grieve and ok to talk about it. I am listening and so are your friends. You can still talk about your hopes and dreams and what that child means to you .

 

PinkBlush Maternity Lookbook + GIveaway

When you are expecting the one thing you need is maternity wear. It so hard to find cute, trendy, affordable clothes to dress your bump. Well look no further than PinkBlush Maternity  They have some of the best maternity clothing. They also carry women’s wear so even if you are not expecting you can still check out the clothing.  The company was gracious enough to send me three outfits It was very hard for me to narrow down which three outfits I wanted.

The company not only carries clothing but accessories(shoes, jewelry, bags etc) they also carry things for the baby as well. I fell in love with some of the accessories and purchased them myself.

 

Look #1: Coral Crochet top dress// Necklace: Teal stone Pendent

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Look #2 Pink Aqua Damask Wrap dress//Necklace: Pink Floral Necklace

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Look#3: Peach Open lace overlay bell sleeve //Necklace:Teal stone Pendent// Wallet: Brown faux leather fringe 

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I had such a blast putting these looks together. This is such a great maternity boutique and they have great maternity looks. Pink Blush Maternity also is giving away a $75 gift card to ONE of my lucky subscribers. Check out my video lookbook here to see how you can enter.

Time for a Change

Today marks the first day of November and it was a needed change from the month that was October. I was ready for a new start.

I forgot that the time change was also happening and I didn’t remember how bad it was last year with a once year old until I saw this meme

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I laughed AND cried when I saw this. It all came back like a ton of bricks. OMG our son can’t tell time and he will wake up when his natural clock goes off. Which IF it’s not bad, it would be an hour earlier than normal or it could be 2-4 hours earlier.

My husband and I went to bed not before giving each other the look as if to say: “well done today surviving parenthood”

Of course our son was up, BRIGHT EYES and all; ready to play. He didn’t give us the usual fuss over changing his diaper. He actually handed my husband all the supplies and laid down. Is this the twilight zone. We stare at each other with bags under our eyes and I greet the morning.

Today was a good day, dinner is now cooking and we have survived another day of parenthood. But or course we did it with Starbucks and a cake pop, I mean HOW ELSE can you survive a time change with a toddler? Screen Shot 2015-11-01 at 6.19.43 PM

Baby Makes four

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My husband and I are so excited that our family is going to be growing. Of course one of the many questions will be: “how far along are you?” to be honest I want to keep that to myself. The reason being is because there is a stigma that comes with people announcing before the first trimester is up.

After you have had a miscarriage and dealt with three years of trying to conceive you realize that once you see the positive on the pregnancy test it’s hard to keep in that excitement. I will say that I am still in my first trimester and morning sickness is KICKING MY BOOTY lol.

Just like with raising a child there is more than one way to announce your pregnancy and that includes what timeframe you will do it in as well. Of course I pray that all goes well with my pregnancy however, if it doesn’t I want you guys to know why I would be grieving. I want my child to be real. Sharing with you my excitement makes it real to me.

I can’t wait to find out gender and of course see what baby looks like.

World Breastfeeding Week 2015

I feel so thankful that this week will mark 23 months of my breastfeeding relationship with my son.

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If you would have told me when my son was born I would be doing it this long I would have called you crazy. I had gallbladder attacks beginning at 37 weeks and couldn’t have surgery until after baby was born. I had horrible attacks that my husband had to hold the trash can for me so I could feed my son. I was sick and learning to nurse a newborn, it was ROUGH.  I couldn’t get more than 2 oz out each time I pumped and I knew my surgery to remove my gallbladder was coming up. I  didn’t have enough milk stored up and I found out I wouldn’t be able to feed my son for at least two days after surgery thanks to the pain meds that were to be given to me during surgery.

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milk coma at 16 weeks

Five weeks after my precious son was born I was scheduled for surgery at 10am. I couldn’t eat or drink for 12 hours before surgery(which to a breastfeeding mother is pure torture.) my surgery didn’t happen until 4:30 in the afternoon. I fed my son who was going through cluster feeding all the way up until surgery time because I knew I wouldn’t be able to.

My anesthesiologist came in and saw my son, he mentioned  how cute he was. Through conversing we found out his wife just had a baby the same day. We then found out we both had the same doctor and gave birth at same hospital. He was about to leave for the day I was his last patient and he told me that he knows how difficult it can be breastfeeding. He told me he would leave precise instructions on what to give me so I would be able to breastfeed right after surgery. That was an answer to my prayer. Surgery went great and I was able to nurse my son when I got home(I did have enough milk pumped for at least two bottles so that was great)

Fast forward and the more I read about the benefits of breastfeeding pass the age of one I became determined to nurse until my son naturally weans. That can be anywhere between the age of 2-7-yrs.

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breastfeeding on top of the rock in NYC

And here I am almost two years later. I have learned so so much! This post isn’t to bash anyone that supplements part time or full time with formula. We as mothers do what we have to do. There is no problem when you’re in public and you feed you child from a bottle. That is more acceptable in our society.

Many may ask Why do we need a breastfeeding week? I see it everywhere now, so many people are ok with posting pics of it in social media. Well the truth is , in the U.S. The average age that women wean their child is 3 months(coincidence that the time frame coincides with the U.S. Maternity leave?  that is a whole other subject for a different day) for the rest of the world the average age of weaning is four years.

There is also the stigma that comes with nursing your child after one. Many feel if a child can ask for it they are too old. I’m sorry but how does your child ask for food? I know my son quickly will ask for a bapple(apple) as clear as he would ask for “milk milk”.  So should we stop giving our children snacks or dinner because they ask for? NO that would be ludicrious. Many mothers like the fact that their children can ask for milk, that way they know exactly what they want. It;s also a great tantrum stopper for those terrible twos.

The heath benefits alone are great.My son has only been sick three times and he was born during flu season, we’ve traveled by plane three time and he goes to a gymnastics class weekly and the library. I’m thankful that my breastmilk contains the antibiotics needed to help develop my sons immune system and helps shorten his colds IF he does get sick.

The fact is that when it comes to extended breastfeeding many women are shamed. Don’t believe me just look at the comment section under anything that features a mother breastfeeding a toddler, look at the many random post on social media from people shamming mothers for nursing in public uncovered.

This week is needed to encourage mothers to keep going, to encourage those on the fence about breastfeeding. This week helps them see they aren’t alone.

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